The Ideal Office Work Schedule

Sometimes I feel as though some short-sale/loss mitigation offers at some banks are on this schedule…

Hat tip to 123funny.blogspot.com

The Evolution of Dance

The Evolution of Dance. As Jeremy Hart over at NRVLiving says, “always a crowd favorite” (click here if you can’t see the video)…

Putting the “No” in Innovation

This set of 5 videos found at ThePalaceOfLight.com is sure to make you laugh especially if you appreciate satire. Here’s one of them (if you can’t see the video, click here)…

BBQ Rules

It’s Memorial Day weekend. That means that we have officially entered BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine…

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine…

(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat

 Important again:

(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine…

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
 
 And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ‘ her night off ‘, and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.

***Hat tip to Jeanette for sending this my way.

Ad of the Week

Though Joe at Sellsius called this the “Ad of the Day”, I’m gonna call it the “Ad of the Week“…

Bizkit the Sleep Walking Dog

Both of my dogs have dreams and run in place while on their side or bark in their sleep, but nothing like this…(click here if you can’t see the video)

Possibly the Best Craig’s List Reply of All Time

Here's the posting…

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly
beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York .
I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a  million a year. I 
know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is  middle class in
New York City , so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives?  
Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around  
200 - 250.   But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to  
central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an  
investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a  
great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

- What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings

- Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)? 

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so
plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer
married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in 
singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker,
doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang  
out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for  MARRIAGE ONLY 

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an  honest way. Most
beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I
wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in 
looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

*  it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 432279810

And the reply…

Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought  meaningfully about your
dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not 
wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more
than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy 
business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a
simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my  money. Fine,
simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely 
continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases
but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset.

Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me
explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but
less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you! 
So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and
hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy
you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm 
being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would
you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal
that makes sense is dating, not marriage. 

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I
wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has
been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are
as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if  
not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and  
then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation. 
With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way.  
Classic "pump and dump."

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of  
lease, let me know.

Hat tip to Chris over at The Real Hook

The New Stimulus Bill Explained

Here is one explanation of the new stimulus bill sent to me by a friend…

Shortly after class, an economics student approaches his economics professor and says,
"I don't understand this stimulus bill. Can you explain it to me?"
 
The professor replied, "I don't have any time to explain it at my office, but if you come over to my house on Saturday and help me with my weekend project, I'll be glad to explain it to you." The student agreed.
 
At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor's house. The professor stated that the weekend project involved his backyard pool.
 
They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the student a bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor said, "First, go over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as much water as you can." The student did as he was instructed.
 
The professor then continued, "Follow me over to the shallow end, and then dump all the water from your bucket into it." The student was naturally confused, but did as he was told.
 
The professor then explained they were going to do this many more times, and began walking back to the deep end of the pool.
 
The confused student asked, "Excuse me, but why are we doing this?"
 
The professor matter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the shallow end much deeper.
 
The student didn't think the economics professor was serious, but figured that he would find out the real story soon enough.
 
However, after the 6th trip between the shallow end and the deep end, the student began to become worried that his economics professor had gone mad. The student finally replied, "All we're doing is wasting valuable time and effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when this process is all over, everything will be at the same level it was before, so all you'll really have accomplished is the destruction of what could
have been a truly productive action!"
 
The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile, "Congratulations. You now understand the stimulus bill."

Hat tip to Emily

Lance Armstrong’s New TT Bike (and slogan)

If you missed the bad news, Lance Armstrong's one-of-a-kind time trial bicycle was recently stolen. The good news is that it's been recovered thanks to the help of Twitter and the Sacramento Police Department. But a few changes have been made to the bike since Lance go it back…the sticker on it and Lance's new slogan…

 

Low on Cash? Just Send a Spider as Payment

 

But wait! It gets better…

 

There's more! Click here to see the rest of the emails back and forth (including David's out of office reply of "…currently on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week."

Thanks to Mike from UrbanRacer.com for the heads up.

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